Five Things You Can't Do in Darien

1. Get a refund on Allied Waste trash stickers after today. If you’ve got leftover stickers from the last waste removal provider, hurry up and get to City Hall before 5 p.m.

2. Have more than two pet tigers. Keeping even one pet tiger—or any dangerous animal, as defined by city code—requires a special permit that must be re-upped annually. Beyond that, however, you’re going to need the city council to approve any Neverland Ranch-style menageries you plan for your home.

3. Pretend to fight in public. It’s considered disorderly conduct to fight or “give the appearance of fighting” in any public area, unless the “fighting” is part of an athletic event such as a wrestling match. If you do, city code stipulates you could wind up with a fine anywhere from $100 to $500.

4. Bring in a masseuse for more than a week to give workplace rubdowns. If you do, you’ve officially moved into the business of massage therapy, as far as the city’s concerned, and you need a license.

5. Feature more than four pinball machines in your business. Unless, that is, you got a license to have more between 1979 and 1980, or having more public “automatic amusement devices” is a condition of your liquor license. No explanation is offered in the city code.